Pumping is by far, one of the oddest things I've ever done to myself. It's not glamorous. It's not peaceful. It's not comfortable. It's not convenient. It is mandatory if I want to keep feeding my child. Which I do. More than many things I've wanted in this world, I want to do that.
Breastfeeding is the purest human connection I have ever experienced. I didn't know something so simple could be so fulfilling. And I say simple in that it is just the two of us, him taking what he needs and me giving it. I am honored to be his mother and to have the ability to feed him on demand. When he relaxes into the latch, his hand holding on the a piece of my clothing, his eyes open but unfocused, I melt. His body turned into mine, I make myself tune-in to that peace.
Everything else surrounding the act is not so easy. The latch, and then the unlatch and latch again (ouch), the angle, the frequency of it, the pain, the test in patience, the pumping. Oh the pumping. What did women do before those pumps? Such a relief when they do their job, but so bizarre to watch. A few nights ago my hubby and I had our first date since our son was born (only 3 weeks ago!) and we went to a ball game. I fed before we left and 5+ hours later we're home and I had my first experience of what I have dubbed "concrete tits." Oh the solid, huge rocks my boobs became! It was unreal. I had been waiting for that, hadn't happened yet since I've been home and feed on demand. Yes, they were big but lord, if anyone or anything touches them, so help me, I will punch you.
Just the fact that our bodies can make milk is so weird. Beautiful and wonderful, bla bla bla. It's weird and so cool. Another thing we have no control over (see this post for reference) Yet it's absolutely mind-blowing to know that our bodies have the ability to care for our young. So primal.
I'm nervous to go back to work and pump. (I'm nervous for several reasons but this post is all about boobs.) I work for a company that spends much of it's time traveling from venue to venue in a big white van. Am I just supposed to sit in the back in the installed jump-seat with all our equipment and fabric and ladders and pump? How awkward will that be?! Or do I sit out the last 15-20 minutes of a set-up to go into a bathroom and take care of all my business? I am lucky I work for a company that is flexible and caring but neither of us have been down this working/pumping road before.
Ahh the trials and tribulations of a breastfeeding mama.
Now, excuse me, I need to go pump. Because I don't want to wake the sleeping babe.